He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
