Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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