Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
