I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
