So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
