i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
