dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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