Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
