Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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