I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
