I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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