I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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