She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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