I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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