3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
