I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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