my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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