the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
