Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
