Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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