oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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