My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
