what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
