im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My feet surprised me
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