just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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