Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
