This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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