my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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