Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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