I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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