He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
