every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
