I smell stomach acid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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