You smell like a Billy Joel song
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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