we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
