so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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