MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
