so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
