Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
