in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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