that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
