I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
