A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
