Whod you bang
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
