some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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