try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
