listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
