please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
