How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
