I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
