I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
