My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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