who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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