i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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