why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
