I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
