So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no you cant smoke seaweed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
