maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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