giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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