i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
