I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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