She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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