our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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