WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
