I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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