Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
