if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
