Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
