Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
