Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
