If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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