You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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