I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
