i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
